My Nana and The Robins

As a child, and long into my adult years, one of my favourite things was to visit Nana at her home in the Midlands. It was a two hour drive, so we didn't visit as often as we should have, especially as us kids grew older and life became busier. My favourite room in her house was the conservatory, where the sunlight would stream in through the glass and I could fall asleep on the big, soft sofa while watching the birds and insects busying themselves with the never ending job of bustling from one bush or flower to the next. My Nana loved gardening, and she loved her garden. She spent many hours tending to it and gained much pleasure from telling us all about it, the shifting seasons and patterns of nature - buds starting to appear on the foxglove, when the perfect time to plant potatoes was, how the same two birds would appear week after week. Her favourite thing was watching the robins flit around her back garden. We would sit on the sofa together and watch them - Nana would tell me which one was the male and which one was the female, where they lived, which insects they loved to eat. And they were clever, inquisitive little creatures, always stopping to look and listen to us with a tilt of the head and a certain friendly stare. They seemed so carefree and happy, only stopping for a moment then off again, but always to come back.

My Nana was always very busy and active. As well as her garden, she loved her social club where her friends would meet and plan bridge or rummy, always over a cup of tea. She laughed about how she wasn't any good, but that didn't matter - she really was a bright spark in her community. We lost my Nana last year. I'll never forget the phone call from Mum, or the drive up to Nana's. Thankfully we had a few final days with Nana where most of the time she was awake and alert enough to hear our stories and chuckle and our misadventures together. I told my Nana how much I loved being in the garden with her and watching the robins dance around. Nana told me to always think of them, and to take care of my own tiny London garden. It has taken me a while, but now that we are emerging from the long winter and lockdown, with the days getting longer and warmer, I have started pulling up a few weeds and planting a few flowers. The other day my heart stopped - a robin! It was only there for a few seconds - it stopped and gave me that stare - and instantly I thought of Nana and wished she was there. I often think of Nana and wonder where and how she is. Now whenever I see a robin I smile at the thought of my nana flitting around somewhere beyond us. Life can be hard, and in the end, sadness and loss is inescapable, but there is still so much beauty - simple pleasure and treasured memories to reminisce on. I hold onto the thought that I will be able to see my Nana again some day. Until then, I'll keep watching the robins and remember my Nana.